Ask, talk, listen, repeat

In the 1970s, there was a perfume commercial that said, “If you want to capture someone’s attention, whisper.” While that may work on TV, it probably isn’t a great strategy for problem-solving with a co-worker, or for talking to your partner about an annoying habit. So how do you get someone’s attention in a meaningful way? And once you’ve gotten it, how can you communicate most effectively?

There are several key components that can help you get your point across and make others be more apt to listen: getting their attention, knowing your audience, actively listening and considering mutual interests. It’s also good to be clear about your goal for the conversation ahead of time. Are you asking for something specific? Looking for clarification? Do you hope to resolve a conflict? If you can start practicing communicating effectively about little things, you’ll have developed some skills that can help you get through more difficult conversations. Here’s a strategy to get you started:

1.    Respectfully ask for the person’s attention—“Could I have about 15 minutes of your time to talk? When would it be good for you?” Asking if people are available shows that you realize their time has value. If someone is busy, stressed, or over-committed, he or she will be challenged to pay attention and the conversation will be doomed before it starts. Think of this first step as an invitation, since you want to be sure the person is free to join you.

 

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