Is your credit union listening?
Back in 2019 when Corona was still a beer, I began a self-inventory to discover where I needed to grow in 2020. As a part of my self-audit, I wrote down the names of the most influential people in my life and listed what made them special to me. Of the people whom I listed, I discovered two common traits: 1. They have a wide circle of relationships, and 2. they make me feel good about myself. My 2020 goal was to become more like them.
In an effort to become more influential within my community and profession, I decided that I needed to widen my circle and change the conversation. I would endeavor to shift the conversation away from me and find out more about others. That’s what started the Friendship21 Project.
A study by Dr. Maxwell Maltz shows that it takes 21 days of repetitive activity to develop a habit. More recent studies show it actually takes much longer, but I like the simplicity of 21, so I made the commitment to make 21 new friends in 21 days and journal the experience. Could making friends become a habit? I was about to find out.
The Friendship21 Project has two rules. 1. You can’t have met them before. 2. You have to do it every day. I was ready to begin.
Day one found me at the gym stretching next to a young woman wearing an Elon University T-shirt. Since my wife is a professor at Elon, I thought that would be a great way to start a conversation without coming across as creepy. I introduced myself to Samantha and I discovered that she is from Pennsylvania and is a graduating senior in psychology. She has currently applied to 10 graduate programs. On day two I met Jeremy. He is a detective for the Burlington Fire Department and has been with Burlington FD for 18 years. I also learned that the number four fire truck went out over 3,000 times last year. Over the next three weeks, I met baristas, engineers, recovering alcoholics, and nurses. I met a retiree named Carl in a video editing class that we were taking through Elon. His daughter works for CNN in Atlanta and he wanted to learn more about what she does. Of all the people I met during my Friendship21 project, the most impactful was Alicia.
I was standing in line at the hospital to get my annual lab work done and I approached the window. The woman who was to check me in ignored me as she typed vigorously on her computer. She did, however, raise one finger as if to say “I’ll be with you when I’m ready”. I felt my anger begin to rise, but then realized that I had not made my friend for the day. I took a deep breath and thought “here we go”. I noticed two pictures taped to her computer of her and her husband at Disney World. I said “That looks like a fun trip”. She stopped typing, looked up at me and smiled. She began to tell me all about the trip, where they stayed, where they ate and what they rode. I laughed and said “I bet you have your own mouse ears don’t you”. She gave me a sly smile and pulled her lapel back revealing a Mickey Mouse pin. I had made my friend. All that I could think is “How much would that information be worth to a medical supply or pharmaceutical rep?”.
Over three weeks I discovered that everyone has a story that they want to tell, if we are only willing to listen. By asking questions with a true spirit of curiosity, I entered a meaningful conversation that went beyond “fine, how are you?”. I also discovered that once I knew more about people, I remembered their name more easily which lead to future interactions.
When the virus ends and social distancing is over, we will need to experience what author and speaker, Thom Singer, calls a “social tightening”. Our country is experiencing a crisis of self-obsession where the institutions that stand out are the ones that embrace the community on a personal level. Every one of your members has a story. Are you listening?
