There’s magic in the “and”
by Rich Jones
Society seems to work really hard to find the polarity between two sides. There doesn’t seem to be enough leaders with the courage to set their personal opinions, feelings or beliefs aside to seek the middle ground. This polarization seeps into our work space and because of this seepage, unselfish leadership that focuses on serving the middle ground versus one of the poles is more critical than ever. As a result leaders are often put into a situation of conflict. These stem from what are perceived to be “either-or” conversations. There are typically two opposing points of view and as the conversation progresses, the temperature of the room rises with the blood pressure of the participants as each party advocates for their point of view. How often have you been in a conflict at work and maybe even became party to these polarized conversations? I’ve seen relationships coming close to ending because no one had the courage or self-awareness to arbitrate for the middle ground. Projects are destroyed, work relationships undermined, friendships put at risk. To me, these are unacceptable consequences.
How does one lead others to find the middle?
First be self aware of your emotional engagement in the conversation. Once you’ve recognized that you are one of the polarizing parties, compartmentalize your emotions, opinions and even suspend your personal beliefs and set them aside. You do this because you acknowledge this argument isn’t about you anymore because it is putting the team and relationships at risk. As a leader of a team of people that you want to develop an open-minded, diverse and innovative thinkers your role is to allow these “prickly” conversations to take place in a healthy format versus the creating division.
Second you must, with your own opinions compartmentalized, listen carefully to each side of the issue with neutrality. Your role is to understand what “arguments” are real, which are opinion, which are based upon suspicions and which are based on proven evidence. Be using this inclusive, neutral ear you can separate the emotions of the parties and extract from each side the facts and objective points that have true merit.
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