I was watching a video of a young Gen Z woman describing her encounter with an older man in a library. The Boomer saw her wearing a hat and told her she should take it off. The encounter went something like this:
Boomer: “You need to take off your hat.”
Gen Z: “Why?”
Boomer: “It’s against the rules.”
Gen Z: “There’s no rule about wearing hats in the library.”
Boomer: “Well it’s disrespectful.”
Gen Z: “Why is it disrespectful? I’m not hurting anyone by wearing a hat.”
In the end, the Gen Z woman did not remove her hat. From her perspective, the Boomer man wanted her to be “obedient” to him.
From the Boomer man’s perspective, she was being “disrespectful.”
Respect vs. obedience
Many Boomers grew up in a more structured, hierarchical world. The term, “respect your elders” was commonplace. If you had a certain position, or extensive experience, there was an expectation you, your opinions and certain rules would be respected.
Younger generations can have different experiences. They may not adhere to the same hierarchy and expectations. They may be more likely to challenge others.
This can lead to a key misunderstanding. Older generations may see this challenging behavior as “disrespectful”—aka the person is not respecting them, their positions, the rules, etc. Younger generations may feel like they are being told to be “obedient” to positions or rules they don’t agree with or don’t even know exist.
So what’s the solution?
If you feel like someone is disrespecting you, check your assumptions. Take a closer look at the situation. If you have an expectation of a certain behavior, have you clearly communicated that expectation?
If you feel like your behavior is being judged or challenged, same thing. Ask for clarification about what the other person’s expectations are for you and the situation.
Finally, go easy when judging the other person’s intentions. Are they purposefully dissing you? Or could there be another explanation?
At the end of the day, with so many opportunities for miscommunication between the generations, give yourself the best chance for success by being clear in your expectations and communication.
