The myth of more: Why the next promotion won’t fulfill you

Why do so many high-performing professionals feel unfulfilled after their biggest career milestones? Promotions, awards, and new titles look great on paper, but often leave us wondering, ‘Is this all there is?’

Studies show that about 40% of CEOs are dissatisfied with their life and career. Overachievers, like CEOs, strive for more accomplishments, goals, and other status symbols, yet end up feeling that they’re missing out on happiness, satisfaction and meaning.

It’s easy to see how this drive to accomplish more, make more money, and have better titles has permeated our career—it’s supposedly the American dream: work hard and you’ll be happy. Our culture emphasizes status symbols we can easily spot—the vacations worthy of social media posts, the big house in the right neighborhood with a boat or RV in the driveway. When we see someone with a designer bag or a high-end car we generally know how much it costs and what it takes to get it. It’s a symbol of the person’s value, of their work.

Yet, these symbols are slippery. The target for hip and trendy is always shifting. The rush we get when we achieve these symbols is also fleeting. There’s even a name for it: hedonic treadmill. Psychologists discovered we tend to experience a feeling of joy or happiness when we achieve or buy something, but then quickly return to a baseline—the state we were in before that momentary uplift. Yet that fleeting, uplifting moment feels so good, we keep chasing it, over and over again, like a runner on a treadmill. The runner is moving but never really gaining any ground. Our achievements give us flashes of happiness but never any sustained satisfaction.

Chasing prestige, pay raises, and promotions keeps us on a treadmill, constantly running but never truly getting anywhere. Instead, pursuing meaning, purpose, and growth—what psychologists call eudaimonic happiness—creates lasting fulfillment.

Besides the let-down we experience after a promotion, striving for them also impacts other aspects of our lives. We’ve worked long hours to exceed expectations, which then strains our personal relationships. The stress of overachieving also creates negative physical & emotional effects—ulcers, elevated blood pressure, headaches, burnout, even anxiety. We end up feeling like we’re barely surviving, much less living any semblance of a content, satisfied, good life.

Once the promotion is achieved, many high-performers are able to slow down for a moment and only then realize just how out of whack their work/life balance has become. Their family life is out of kilter, they see their physical and personal development has stalled or deteriorated and they might’ve even compromised some personal values to get ahead and now regret it. Chasing more turned into a mess.

Now that we’ve uncovered the hidden costs of pursuing promotions, what are we to pursue instead? How are we to feel accomplished and gain confidence? Do we just ignore the performance goals the boss gave us in our last review? What does it take to create a meaningful, fulfilling career that’s well integrated into a full life instead of running our life?

It’s all centered around the eudaimonic happiness mentioned above. When we pursue intrinsic goals—those related to values, meaning, purpose—our well-being is more elevated, our satisfaction and happiness are more consistent and our growth and development are in our hands and in our control.

That control over our own happiness is actually a key element to what psychologists call self-determination theory. This theory states that when we are able to meet three distinct psychological needs (autonomy, competence and relatedness) we are more likely to be more motivated, follow through on goals and be more satisfied—feel better—overall.

Autonomy—feeling like we have a choice and then acting on that choice—can get compromised when we chase society’s status symbols. Constantly scanning for the latest trend, jumping from bandwagon to bandwagon and buying into what’s hot (or not)—often quite literally—means we have given control of our lives to moving targets. The pressure to be cool is exhausting.

That’s why being autonomous—feeling like we have a choice—leads to lasting fulfillment. When WE decide (not them) what’s important to us, we are declaring our own goals and targets. This frees us from the pressure of unclear expectations, random and moving targets as well as empty promises of success. And that’s why society’s version of success feels so empty—it’s not truly a decision we’ve made, that aligns with our own values, meaning and purpose.

Being more autonomous is just one of the three psychological needs of self-determination. Imagine how more meaningful and fulfilling your life and career would be when you include competence (a sense of mastery) and relatedness (a sense of belonging).

Understanding the theories behind it is nice, but let’s get down to the nitty gritty with some actions we can take to create a more fulfilling, satisfying career.

1. Clarify your values: What’s important to us changes over time, as we grow. We often “inherit” values from our family and don’t give them much thought as we pursue our careers and grow a family.

Values are often taken for granted as well. We may not even fully grasp our own values until a big event happens which goes against them. For instance, I’ve seen clients facing an unexpected health scenario realize how much they value flexibility or freedom. Or an empty nester now sees how important courage is to them.

When we have a clear set of values it’s much easier to align our goals and decisions with them. And when we’re working toward goals which are truly important to US (not society) we will enjoy the process as well as the achievement.

A clear set of values also helps us make future decisions. My clients who decide to change jobs or even careers are able to make better decisions—and more quickly as well. They see a potential employer’s culture might emphasize structure and discipline—which may not be the best environment for someone who values adventure—and can then shift their efforts to a better suited opportunity.

Ask yourself: What do I value most in my life right now? What makes me feel energized and fulfilled? If you’re not sure, reflect on moments when you’ve felt truly proud of your work, your interactions with others or big decisions.

2. Pinpoint your purpose: There’s a lot of talk about purpose these days, but what’s missing is a clear path for how to find it. It can feel elusive for some, overwhelming, and so abstract even—how ARE we supposed to know what our one, true purpose is?

What if instead of one, true calling, we start with a reason for doing something. That’s the core definition of purpose—simply a reason for doing something. To help that reason be more fulfilling for us though, we do need to identify a few more elements: it needs to be bigger than us, important to us and future oriented. For instance, your parents might suggest you could find purpose in working with shelter animals. While that is a very worthy cause, if you are more interested in disadvantaged children then helping shelters will not create sustainable fulfillment for YOU.

But how do you pinpoint a purpose specific to you? How do you know what work to even do?

The ‘formula’ I like to use with my clients uses two major components to create one powerful statement:

Let’s break down my own purpose statement to see this in action:

I am kindly curious as I illuminate people’s brilliance so they can bring light and love to their communities.

3. Redefine success on your terms: With your values and purpose in place, it’s now much easier to shun society’s version of success and create your own. And your version, just by the fact that it’s YOURS will be much more satisfying and sustainable than chasing elusive external goals.

You might still decide to go for that promotion, but now you know you’re doing it for reasons YOU find meaningful, it’s not just for status.

Aim to create goals which emphasize what you can control, goals which focus on process over results. For instance, instead of using the promotion as an indicator of work well done, name activities you enjoy and can measure which might lead to your organization granting the promotion. Even if they don’t grant the promotion, you will have enjoyed the work, the process itself and can feel accomplished in your own goals. You will have taken control of your value & self-worth—not outsourced it to your boss or organization.

When you’re ready to create a more fulfilling career path, know there are others doing the exact same thing. Join our monthly roundtable, where mid-career professionals like you come together to share insights, challenges, and actionable strategies for creating meaningful change. It’s a supportive space to take the first step toward redefining success. Email me at jackie@shiftingsuccess.com to learn more.