My brother had a cerebral hemorrhage when he was 19 years old. He survived and had a very lengthy recovery process. I remember talking with him and a friend of his a few months into his recovery and his friend said something to the effect of, “it’s not fair this happened to you.” Without missing a beat my brother said (in a humorous way), “Would it have been fairer if it had happened to someone else?”
I almost spit my water out with a laugh. It is how we were raised, life is not about “fair,” it is about how you personally conduct yourself and navigate with resilience through life’s moments. I have leaned on that concept a lot this year and am eternally grateful for the foundation my parents gave me, as well as the time and focus I have committed to my personal development of this skill.
As leaders in our work and personal lives, developing our own resilience is important, as well as supporting others in their growth. Being a parent, a leader, and a nerd, I have read a lot of research about the impact being resilient has for children as well as adults. If we develop our own skills in this area, supporting people in our lives towards their development is one of the greatest gifts we can give.
In a recent article from Mayo Clinic, Resilience: Build skills to endure hardship, they defined resilience in this way, “Resilience means being able to adapt to life's misfortunes and setbacks.”
The article shares some great insights, as well as tips for improving your resilience. As mentioned above, this is a skill we can all develop. It is one of the most impactful skills we can develop for all aspects of our lives.
Building our resilience “muscle” leads to less of feeling a victim of circumstance, and more personal control of how we respond and move forward. There is also a plethora of research that shows the correlation between resilience and mental health. As noted in this same article from the Mayo Clinic, “Resilience can help protect you from mental health conditions, such as depression and anxiety. Resilience also can help you deal with things that increase the risk of mental health conditions, such as being bullied or having trauma. If you have a mental health condition, being resilient can help you cope better.”
In a year that my family and I have experienced losing a family member to suicide, as well as my mother after a long journey with dementia, I have leaned on some key components of resilience. I have outlined a few below that have been particularly impactful for me.
- Self-awareness and regulation: Develop a deep understanding of your emotions, and ability to take ownership of your thoughts and responses.
- Empathy: The ability to understand, honor and respect the feelings and perspectives of others is essential. In relation to resilience, it is also important to develop the ability to be empathetic, without “absorbing” the emotions of others and making them our own, which can lessen our ability to effectively regulate our emotions.
- Develop and lean on a strong support network: This can be a small or large circle of people and resources that provide positive support. Social connection and support can greatly impact resilience.
- Prioritizing your physical and mental health: In times of stress this focus is more important than ever.
Resiliency: building unbreakable strength in uncertain times is a great article from BetterUp with additional information and insights.
As with so many other aspects of personal development, building our resiliency is not easy; it takes intentional focus, effort, and a willingness to lean into discomfort. In doing so, we are choosing to equip ourselves for success in navigating through life’s challenges, and as leaders supporting others to do the same.
Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient. ― Steve Maraboli
