From a young age we are wired to over explain.
Whether we have done something wrong and need to tell the full 30-chapter novel of how we ended up in this predicament, or we feel like giving a full power point presentation would best represent our downfall at that moment.
We over explain.
So, it doesn’t really come as a shock that we do this as adults in a career.
We want people to know that we didn’t intentionally mean to ride the struggle bus.
The same with being sick.
I remember being a kid, not wanting to go to school and explaining to my mom about all of the bodily orifices that were failing me at that point in time.
If I could rattle off the correct secret combination of ailments, then I could stay home.
In my mind, that was how that all worked.
Now I am an adult and working in a career of finance marketing.
Sometimes, I don’t feel good.
Sometimes it is just not a good day to be at the office.
Sometimes, my body decides to forge ahead with an all-out war against me.
So, when I have those moments and I need to shoot my CEO a text letting her know, I am quite embarrassed to admit that I typically type a novel about what is going on before clearing it out and simply stating, “I’m sick”.
We have all had those work environments where you were encouraged to tell all of the why’s, when’s and where’s of your every moment.
Why did you do it that way?
Where were you when you did that wrong?
When are you going to get off the struggle bus?
Those employments have engrained in you that you need to over explain yourself in every situation.
So on and so forth.
When I make a mistake, I feel it in the pit of my stomach.
I create the scenario where someone calls me on it and I over explain until they have no idea what they even questioned in the first place.
This comes from obvious PTSD of previous employments.
We are so afraid to not give details and yet we are old enough to be trusted.
I made a mistake.
See? That’s pretty simple.
It’s better than:
Yes, I did that, and I will tell you that I did not mean to and I also had a horrible headache and I wasn’t thinking right and then also the phone was ringing on every line and I had some sort of mental breakdown but I came back from it and here we are….
I don’t feel good.
That’s better than:
I woke up with explosive diarrhea and then when I thought I was done I wasn’t and then also when I had that situation I was also throwing up and now I have to clean house and I just want to burn it all down.
You don’t have to over explain yourself.
More often than not, nobody really wants nor NEEDS those details.
We need to normalize not feeling like we have to give Ted Talk when we have a situation that needs explaining.
Sometimes the facts are just simple.
I made a mistake but am fixing It now.
Simple and to the point.
If you are in an environment that makes you feel guilt in such a way that you need to prepare some sort of speech to clear your conscience, is that really a healthy place to be?
Employers need to trust their employees.
If they don’t, there is a larger issue at hand.
We all ride the struggle bus from time to time.
Sometimes you are just the rider.
Sometimes you are the driver…
And sometimes you realize you own the whole dang bus because you went shopping on Amazon after your nightly glass (or ten glasses) of wine.
Rewire your mind to know that it is okay to just simply state the facts and move on.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.