- Waking up at 3:31am today to take the dog out.
- Realizing while shivering alone in the yard at 3:39am you haven’t had a dog for 9 years.
- Going into a DEFCON 1 level of panic if you lose direct line-of-sight contact with your smartphone for longer than 15 milliseconds.
- Looking on Amazon for gently used Predator drones you can use to explosively express “HAPPY HOLIDAYS!” to that mouth-breathing knuckle-dragging tool who just cut you off in traffic.
- You’ve developed a nervous twitch. In your brain.
- You’ve Googled “How to waterboard my Elf on the Shelf”
- Seriously wondering if that stellar Tippy the Turtle drawing you sketched on the back of a deposit slip could give you a whole new career in the exciting world of art.
- Your best friend is concerned about how bad you look and the dark circles under your eyes. Your best friend is Benicio Del Toro (pictured above).
- You’ve been stocking up on red Swingline staplers as a cry for help.
10. Screaming at the Starbucks barista because he can’t squeeze you in for an oil change this morning.
‘Tis the season to take a break, y’all. Merry Christmas.