10 signs you need a vacation

  1. Waking up at 3:31am today to take the dog out.
  2. Realizing while shivering alone in the yard at 3:39am you haven’t had a dog for 9 years.
  3. Going into a DEFCON 1 level of panic if you lose direct line-of-sight contact with your smartphone for longer than 15 milliseconds.
  4. Looking on Amazon for gently used Predator drones you can use to explosively express “HAPPY HOLIDAYS!” to that mouth-breathing knuckle-dragging tool who just cut you off in traffic.
  5. You’ve developed a nervous twitch. In your brain.
  6. You’ve Googled “How to waterboard my Elf on the Shelf”
  7. Seriously wondering if that stellar Tippy the Turtle drawing you sketched on the back of a deposit slip could give you a whole new career in the exciting world of art.
  8. Your best friend is concerned about how bad you look and the dark circles under your eyes. Your best friend is Benicio Del Toro (pictured above).
  9. You’ve been stocking up on red Swingline staplers as a cry for help.

10. Screaming at the Starbucks barista because he can’t squeeze you in for an oil change this morning.


‘Tis the season to take a break, y’all.  Merry Christmas.

Andy Janning

Andy Janning

Andy Janning is the author of the books Heroes, Villains, and Drunk Old Men and The Breast Cancer Portrait Project, an 8-time state and national award winner for overall excellence ... Web: andyjanning.com Details