For many, there is no distinction between improvement and perfection: The quest to get better continues until perfection is achieved. Realists know better. Perfect is an illusion: a mirage promising ease and certainty if only we could reach it. But nothing quenches the desire to be “enough” when only flawlessness is accepted.
Many “recovering perfectionists” recognize how harmful this mindset can be. There are many others; however, who just see them as people who gave up too soon.
There is an important difference between those who are chasing perfection and those embracing a growth mindset. A growth mindset acknowledges there is always room to improve. Perfectionism sets a final destination. That is problematic. Someone striving for perfection needs constant proof of flawlessness. Any contradiction becomes a threat. Even when delivered with care, feedback feels like an insult. How dare someone pierce the smokescreen, point out a flaw, or expose a mistake? For a perfectionist at work, this can feel like failure and the shutting down or lashing out that accompanies this may damage a relationship.
That’s the paradox of perfectionism: No employee is perfect because no human is perfect. Once someone chasing perfection confronts its impossibility, they face a choice: Let go of the illusion and focus on growth, or cling to it and treat feedback as a threat to their carefully crafted image.
For someone committed to getting better, though, feedback is a gift. It offers direction. Even poorly delivered feedback can hold a kernel of truth that leads to growth. To suggest an opportunity for improvement to a “Betterer” is likely to be met with appreciation. It can build trust and possibly deepen the relationship.
Herein lies the conundrum: The same feedback that damages a relationship with a High-Performing Perfectionist can strengthen one with a Betterer. While Perfectionists see feedback as something that happens to them, Betterers see it as something someone offers for them. They recognize that giving feedback takes courage and if someone cares enough to step into that discomfort, that is something to appreciate and value.
Patrick Lencioni’s Five Behaviors of a Cohesive Team are represented as a pyramid that outlines how teams achieve high performance: build trust, engage in healthy conflict, commit to shared goals, hold one another accountable, and focus on meaningful results.
While many teams successfully display some of these behaviors, most teams find Accountability—specifically, holding others accountable at the peer level—to be the most difficult. Accountability requires feedback and delivering feedback can be uncomfortable, especially if it is uncertain how it may be received.
When a culture of perfection takes hold, even the most well-intentioned feedback can trigger defensiveness and erode trust, undermining the very foundation of a cohesive team. When leaders and team members commit to getting better instead of being perfect, though, accountability becomes less about calling out mistakes and more helping each other grow. It becomes an act of care that strengthens commitment, deepens trust, and drives results. The path from perfectionism to progress is not always easy, but it is essential for teams striving to thrive together.
If you are looking for ways to move your team forward, we would love to hear from you. At Humanidei we offer support using Lencioni’s Five Behaviors, as well as a variety of other development tools and assessments that include workshops, one-on-one coaching, and team development programs.
