Choose grace in 2024

I was recently enjoying a “proper catch up” with a dear friend of mine. We were reflecting on the year, talking about accomplishments, acknowledging stresses and imagining the possibilities of 2024.

During our conversation, I found myself talking mostly about the pressures of 2023. The year found my husband and I stepping in and helping others who were unwilling and unable to help themselves. A lot of time, energy and resources went into our caregiving in 2023 and we were left feeling overcome and exhausted. Nevertheless, in my telling it to my friend, I kept saying, “But it’s ok, we are fortunate in so many ways and I need to remember that.” My friend acknowledged that yes, we are indeed fortunate and it’s good to remember that. However, she also followed up with “You must also remember to give yourself grace.”

I conceptualize giving grace to others as an act of understanding and support and am frequently willing to do it. However, giving grace to myself feels uncomfortable. I often think I am giving myself a pass, forgetting my fortunes and overlooking gratitude. After all, I know of so many others who have suffered much more than I, from my circle of friends to the anguishes around the world.

As a noun, grace means approval, privilege, favor, pardon, reprieve. As a verb, it means to bestow honor or dignity on. I want to focus on the ideas of reprieve, pardon and dignity. It’s ok to feel exhausted, it’s ok to acknowledge my stresses and it’s ok to forgive myself when I make a mistake. Here are three ways I will chose to give myself grace in 2024:

1.     Celebrate the intangibles – Celebrating the tangible is easy. We revel when we complete a big project at work. We congratulate one another on accomplishing a new certification, losing weight or getting a promotion. We absolutely should continue to set tangible goals and celebrate achieving them. We must also celebrate the intangibles.

Two intangibles to celebrate are setting your boundaries and permitting yourself to reset. For me, setting my boundaries is as simple as not checking work email after 7 pm and not taking a phone call during my run. A more complex boundary is deciding not to continue to help someone who is not willing to help themselves. Your boundaries are yours and yours alone. Set them, stick to them and celebrate when you do. This will allow you to give yourself reprieve and permission to reset making you a better partner, colleague and friend. And most importantly, a better, more content version of yourself.

2.     Change the point of view – We all have them, the “I can’t do this.” The “it’s too hard”, the “ugh, this is awful” thoughts. Acknowledge those negative narratives and then work to reframe them. Ask yourself how you can make whatever you are doing or thinking more enjoyable.

An example of a negative point of view that I have worked to reframe is – I can’t stand avocado! It’s mushy and tasteless and I simply don’t like it. However, I realized that avocados are extremely good for me, and I like to eat healthy, so I decided to make eating them more enjoyable. I do this in two ways. First, I add frozen avocado to my protein shake in the morning which doesn’t change how it tastes (because of course avocado tastes like nothing) and actually makes my shake creamier and more enjoyable. Second, I congratulate myself every time I eat avocados. I often say out loud “I am eating my avocado. Good for me!” It’s silly, but hey, it’s how I eat avocados and I feel much better about it.

3.     Saying no doesn’t mean never – None of us like to say no. It feels negative, contrary and oh-so-final. When it comes to giving yourself grace, realize that no can also mean not right now. It does not have to mean never. Understanding that allows you to set boundaries without closing doors.

Recently, my husband and I were looking at our schedules and we figured out that in the first two weeks of April we had several events, opportunities and trips in the queue. After some discussion of how to fit it all in, we decided that a few things would have to be put in the “no, not now” category. After years of over-scheduling ourselves, we have learned (the hard way) that just because we logistically can do it, does not mean we should. Giving ourselves the option to say “no, not now” will allow us to take a deep breath, recharge and truly enjoy the events and opportunities to which we said yes.

For 2024, I choose to celebrate intangibles, to learn to reframe my negative points of view and to acknowledge that I can say no, not right now. And perhaps most importantly, I will remember that if I make a mistake, I will choose to forgive myself. Yes, this year and all the others after, I choose to give myself grace and I hope you do too.