Dear micro-manager*, this is why I quit

Tomorrow I am handing in my resignation. I want you to know why because I think you deserve candid feedback to help you grow. Here are a few things that make me want to run screaming from the building, though I never did because I would have been called into your office for a lecture.

Slug sandwiches are tasteless

During our recent one-on-one, I knew you’d been to a workshop because you began by complimenting me on my professional appearance. Supposedly this is meant to relax me and make me open to constructive criticism which isn’t constructive at all.

Then you told me that it had recently come to your attention – go ahead, admit that Susie is whining about me again – that I tended to respond to colleagues with a negative attitude. And that it would be helpful in building our team morale that I work on changing the way I came across to my peers. No specific examples. No suggestions about how to make agreements with peers to give me immediate feedback instead of reporting me to the teacher. Now I’m wondering who said something instead of figuring out what I could be doing differently.

Finally, you wrapped up our coaching session with another compliment that you had confidence in my ability to write out a personal development plan before my next one-on-one.

I call a bad behavior inserted between two compliments a slug sandwich. Wouldn’t it be more effective if you helped me understand what a negative attitude looks like so I’d know what to change?

We’re not in kindergarten anymore

Remember hall monitors and raising your hand for permission to go to the bathroom? I feel sad no one has told you that managing doesn’t mean monitoring and controlling every minute of my day.

I recall once forcing myself to come to work despite minor stomach issues as I didn’t want to cause additional stress on my colleagues – thinking I could easily manage the frequent trips to the bathroom. By the end of the day, it felt as if I’d spent more time in the bathroom than at my desk. According to my hall monitor manager I had taken eight “breaks” when I was only authorized to take two. Sigh. Not once did she ever ask how I was or demonstrate empathy for what was clearly not my normal behavior.

Oh, and by the way, the lovely conversations I had with a new colleague cemented our relationship while washing our hands. She’s a lovely, sympathetic person, whom I will no doubt help on a moment’s notice because of the kind empathy she expressed, as I almost tackled her racing to the stall.

It’s often pointed out that trust is a key factor in an innovative workplace; expecting me to report every time I needed a bladder break would surely squelch (pardon the purposeful pun) any creative juices I have.

Group reprimands totally miss the mark

Please dear micro-manager, have the courage to face employees directly and don’t subject us all to your lecture when only one or two people are perpetrators.

While you admonish the whole team, those of us who are rarely late and mind our lunch hours, sit in sulky silence, building resentment for being included as part of your lecture. Meanwhile, the one or two culprits wonder who you’re talking about. Whoosh. The message flies right over the offenders’ heads.

Management guru, Brene Brown says it best:  unclear is unkind.

Be courageous enough to ask for feedback about your leadership style

You have often asked me in coaching sessions what I think I can do better. Not once have you asked me what I think would help you improve your leadership.

Along with my resignation, I humbly offer you the following recommendations:

1. Ask more clarifying questions before jumping to conclusions about my intentions
2. Show me empathy before judging my actions
3. Give me clear, behavior-based developmental feedback separate from flattery
4. Compliment my strengths in a separate session; they’ll be seen as more genuine
5. Gently help me think through my weaknesses and guide me to figure out solutions
6. Help other employees learn to resolve their issues with me directly

Respectfully resigning,

Your employee*

*A conglomerate profile of employees from over 30 years of coaching leaders